


The Kenzie Diaries

by SherlockedCumbercookie



Category: Dance Moms RPF
Genre: Abby Lee Dance Company, Ballet, Boyfriend Troubles, Competitive Dance - Freeform, Dance Competitions, Dance Moms, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Sibling Rivalry, Sister Rivalry, lyrical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25488955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockedCumbercookie/pseuds/SherlockedCumbercookie
Summary: Mackenzie Ziegler is fighting to be her own person. Unfortunately, she has created a huge rift between herself and her star sister, Maddie, that has no hopes of healing. Will Mackenzie step up and resolve things between her sister or will she let her hate and her jealousy fester like an open sore? Follows Mackenzie's journey as she struggles to find herself and become Mackenzie-not just Maddie's little sister.
Relationships: Mackenzie Ziegler/Maddie Ziegler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	The Kenzie Diaries

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! First time doing dance moms fanfic! Please leave a comment and a kudo!

Mackenzie Ziegler felt sweat pouring profusely down her face as she performed an illusion, her left leg swinging up as her legs parted in a perfect penché. “I have to get this right,” she thought to herself, casting an anxious glance at her dance teacher, Abby Lee Miller. Abby was watching with a frown on her face and Mackenzie felt awful. She knew she had failed once again. 

“That was garbage, Mackenzie. Your feet were floppy. Your arms were like chicken wings. How many times have we gone over this today?” Abby said, glaring at the young dancer. 

Mackenzie felt herself deflate beneath the glare of her teacher. “Five times, Miss Abby, but-” 

“But what? I don’t want to hear ‘buts’, Mackenzie. The competition is in five days and you have to get the counts right for this solo. If Maddie was doing this, we’d be done thirty minutes ago! Do you want me to replace you with someone else?” 

“No! I can do this,” Mackenzie exclaimed quickly, her mouth dry and her heart pounding at the mention of her sister. “It’s just that I’m having trouble going straight from the illusion to the spider…. I know it’s not that hard-” 

“You’re right. It’s not that hard, Mackenzie. Get your head in the dance and focus or I’m going to replace you. I know that some of the other girls are hoping to do a solo and if you keep giving me trash, they’re going to get one. Alright, let’s do this again and remember to focus on your feet and your arms. I don’t want floppy feet and sagging elbows.” Miss Abby turned to the speaker and waited for Mackenzie to get into her starting position before pressing play on the music. 

As the exhilarating lyrics of Fight Song filled the air, Mackenzie launched into an elegant fan kick. Concentrating on extending her leg as far as it could reach, she let the weight of her leg pull her into the preparation for a calypso. As she leaped, back leg in attitude and front extended straight, she craned her head and fed power into her arms. As gravity pulled her down, she rolled to the floor and slid into her splits. 

“Good,” Miss Abby said and Mackenzie relaxed a little. Now that Miss Abby seemed in a better mood, Mackenzie could focus on enjoying her dance. She really liked the choreography and the song-it was one of her favorites-and she was very excited to be able to do a solo for the big competition in Los Angeles. 

As she stood up, extended her leg for the illusion and slid down to do the spider, she listened carefully to the words. “Like a small boat on the ocean… sending big waves into motion. Like how a single word can make a heart open. I might have only one match, but I can make an explosion.” She thought of how she was constantly overshadowed by her elder sister-Maddie-and how Miss Abby paid so much attention to Maddie and how she felt like she was in the background, standing in the shadows. How she wanted to turn Miss Abby’s delight upon herself and feel that thrill of pride and joy when Miss Abby chose her for all the best solos. “I might have only one match, but I can make an explosion,” she whispered as she launched into a grand jeté for the finale of her solo. She would prove to the world one leap at a time that she was Mackenzie-not Maddie-a girl who had her own style, her own personality, and her own character. 

As her legs stretched out in a complete split mid-air, she lifted her arms in the air and looked up at the ceiling, feeling exhilarated as adrenaline coursed through her veins. She’d done it! She’d done the illusion into the spider and hadn’t missed a beat! Miss Abby was smiling. Mackenzie felt like it couldn’t get better. 

“Maddie would have done this better,” a tiny voice whispers in her head. 

Then, she came crashing down on the ground, ankle twisting as she landed on her right foot. With an agonized cry, she fell in a heap, hearing her ankle crack loudly like a gunshot. For a moment, she felt nothing-just a weird numbness. Then, a few seconds later, excruciating pain shot up her leg. It felt like she was on fire. “Oh my god.. No..” she whispered, clutching at her ankle. 

Gianna, the choreographer, hurried over, her lips pinched together. She knelt by Mackenzie and gently prodded her ankle. Mackenzie couldn’t help but wince every time Gianna poked her. “It’s probably a sprain but I think you need to go get an x-ray done,” Gianna said, shaking her head sadly. “I’m afraid that puts you out of the solo since the competition is in a week. No way you can dance like this.” 

Fresh tears spilled down Mackenzie’s cheeks. “No! Please! I want to do the solo! I’ll practice-” 

“Mackenzie,” Miss Abby said firmly. “You can’t dance on a sprained ankle. Go home. Rest. Forget about the solo.” Throwing her hands up in a frustrated gesture and rolling her eyes, Miss Abby stormed out of the dance studio. Mackenzie and Gianna both heard her yelling for Chloe. “Chloe! You’re up for the solo! This never would have happened with Maddie!” 

Mackenzie looked into Gianna’s eyes hopefully. “Maybe my ankle will be better by the time of the competition?” 

Gianna smiled sadly and stroked Mackenzie’s shoulder. “No, Kenzie. I don’t think so.” 

“But… but this was going to be my big break! I wanted to beat Maddie! I wanted to show Miss Abby that I can be better than Maddie! This solo was going to be my highlight of the year! I can’t just drop it, Gianna! I can’t!” Mackenzie covered her face with her hands and sobbed quietly, her thin shoulders shaking with each hiccuping breath she drew in. Getting this solo had meant everything to her. Miss Abby had specifically told her that she was going up against Maddie-the star of the Abby Lee Dance Company and the older sister of Mackenzie. If Mackenzie beat Maddie, maybe Miss Abby would know that Mackenzie could do more difficult things and would give her a chance at more solos. Now, her dreams were all shattered, like her ankle was. She would have to be stuck at home, in bed, while the rest of the team enjoyed the competition in New York. 

Melissa Ziegler, her face lined with worry, burst into the studio and ran immediately to her daughter. “Kenzie! Are you alright? What happened? It looked like you twisted your ankle when you landed from that leap!” Melissa fussed over Mackenzie, poking and prodding her ankle painfully. Noticing Mackenzie’s tears, she shook her head with disapproval. “No crying, Kenzie. It’s all going to be alright. Here, let me help you up and we’ll go to the ER, okay?” 

Gently, Melissa slipped her arm around Mackenzie’s waist and helped her stand. Mackenzie balanced on one leg, wincing every time she had to put even the slightest weight on her injured foot. She noticed that Maddie had entered the room and was watching them with a worried expression on her face. “What are you looking at?” Mackenzie screamed, unable to hold back all her sadness and pain. “Watching me fail yet again while you get to do a solo and be Miss Abby’s pet?” 

“Mackenzie!” Melissa snapped but Mackenzie paid her no mind. 

“I’m tired of being called ‘Maddie’s little sister!’ I’m tired of people comparing me to you! I’m tired of always having to live in your shadow!” 

Maddie’s face had drained of all color. “Kenzie, I-”

“Stop it! Just stop it!” Mackenzie screamed, feeling tears run down her cheeks. “I don’t want to hear it! Can we just go, Mom? Please?”  
“Alright honey,” Melissa replied quietly. 

She supported Mackenzie all the way through the dance studio, across the parking lot, and to the car. With much effort and a lot of wincing, Mackenzie managed to slip into the passenger seat and shut the door. As she did so, she caught a glimpse of Maddie standing in the door of the studio, watching them with a forlorn expression on her face. Hate bubbled up her stomach against her sister and Mackenzie turned away, her face like stone. Maddie deserved all of this. She was a hateful sister.

As they drove to the ER, Melissa had a lot to say to Mackenzie. “Why did you yell at Maddie like that, sweetheart?” 

Mackenzie crossed her arms over her chest. She was not in the mood for this at all. “Mom… I really don’t want to talk about this,” she snapped. 

“Kenzie… I know you’re feeling angry and hurt but that’s no excuse to yell at your sister like that. You made her feel bad. She loves and cares for you very much, Kenz. She doesn’t like to see you like this,” Melissa replied in a low, soothing voice, her hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles were turning white. Mackenzie knew that her mother hated this sort of sibling rivalry that she and Maddie had developed between each other. Well.. that you had developed and mostly provoked, her conscience told her but she ignored it. 

“Nothing bad ever happens to her! She always gets all the attention and all the solos and everyone looks at me and they’re like “oh, that’s Maddie’s little sister!” I want to be more than Maddie’s little sister, Mom! I want to be MACKENZIE.” She pounded her fist into the dashboard to make her point. “Why can’t I be my own person? Every time I get a solo or something cool, Miss Abby’s like ‘Why can’t you be more like Maddie?’ and ‘if Maddie were doing this, we’d be done hours ago!’ What is wrong with me, Mom?” Mackenzie turned her tear-filled eyes upon her mother. 

Melissa’s face softened and she reached out to wipe away some of Mackenzie’s tears. “Look, hon, I know you’re going through a really hard time and I know that you’re fighting to be your own person. Listen, keep on fighting! Don’t let this little injury be a huge setback. Rest well and come back, stronger than before. Show Miss Abby that you’re a force to be reckoned with, and you are Mackenzie Ziegler-Mack Z, international pop star and dancer. Show her that you are YOU-the beautiful, perfect, wonderful, fun Kenzie.” 

Mackenzie drew her knees to her chest and sighed. She wished she could believe her mom’s words but no matter how hard she tried, she was never good enough. Was she destined to always remain ‘Maddie’s little sister?’ just, Kenzie, the girl in the background of her sister’s stardom?


End file.
